Muhammad is said to have been 25 when his employer, Khadijah, asked him to marry her. She was trying to run a business inherited from her deceased husband, having to depend on relative strangers and men whose interests might go against hers. I am guessing that after her first husband died, her family found her a new match, but after he too died, she was pretty much off the market. Marrying the younger man was in both their interests, since he gained ownership of a business, and she no longer had to employ men to travel for her. It’s worth noting that Shi’ite scholars do not believe she had been married previously, at all.
Traditionally, Khadijah is said to have been fifteen years older than Muhammad, but some scholars have questioned that assumption, just based on common sense. 25 + 15 = 40, which is usually the end of childbearing years. Khadijah is said to have borne her new husband at least six children, very unlikely if she started at 40. It seems more likely that she was in her early 30s. Being widowed twice isn’t a good measurement of passing years, since marriage for girls began at age 14.
Clan life being what it was, Khadijah was already somewhat related to Muhammad. Her brother had recently married his near-age cousin Safiyyah, and they were also related at the level of Muhammad’s great-grandfather. Khadijah’s cousin Waraqah had become a Christian priest in the Assyrian Church, possibly with Nestorian theology. It seems likely that after marrying her, Muhammad’s contacts with Christians increased, if anything. Why does it matter to notice the “Nestorian” theology? The Quran talks about Jesus (Isa in Arabic), but it tells his story a little differently from the traditional Gospels. Nestorian theology separated Jesus’s natures into distinct parts, human and divine. Waraqah’s discussions could have influenced Muhammad’s understanding of the back story.
Whatever her age, the narrative makes clear that she and Muhammad had a close, supportive—and monogamous—-relationship. We remember him as having many wives, but that was only at the end of his life, and it was an aberration to his customs. Their monogamous relationship doesn’t seem to be unusual for Mecca. A few of the clan chiefs drop into stories here and there with sons by different wives, but it’s equally possible that it was a case of a widower remarrying. They were enthusiastic remarriers, for sure.
By Sunni accounts, Khadijah had three children from her first marriages. Shi’ites suggest that she was not married previously, rather that she was raising her sister’s children. In any case, now she bore a son, Qasim, who died in childhood. Then she had four daughters: Zaynab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum, and Fatimah. Last, she bore another son, Abd-Allah, named for Muhammad’s father. He, too, died in childhood. (Many Shi’ites believe that the other daughters also died in childhood, with only Fatimah reaching adulthood.)
Additionally, the couple adopted a teenage boy that Khadijah previously owned as a slave. Zayd was from a northern desert tribe, kidnapped by raiders. Slavery was not racial, it was rather a matter of bad luck. Nobody tried to find Zayd’s family until he was gifted to Muhammad as a wedding present. He freed Zayd, who found a way to get a message to his family. Zayd, however, chose to stay with Muhammad and became an adopted son, probably working in the caravan business. By age, he was more like a younger brother, and later changes under nascent Islamic law undid the legal adoption—as we’ll see.
Last, the couple adopted the young son of Muhammad’s uncle, Abu Talib. Abu Talib was apparently struggling to care for his family, but he had been a kind stepfather to Muhammad, so Muhammad proposed to another uncle, Abbas, that each of them should adopt one of Abu Talib’s sons. Abbas took charge of teenage Ja’far, while Muhammad took home five-year-old Ali.
We see from the story of Muhammad’s first marriage and family that he was left with no direct male heirs. His stepsons from Khadija’s first marriage were never considered as his heirs. They may have died, or they may have moved away. Was either Zayd or Ali to be considered his male heir? I think they were at first. But Zayd’s adoption was later set aside, and Ali was still named for his biological father, Abu Talib, although Muhammad was raising him. I doubt lack of heir seemed important to anyone as long as the family was leading a typical life. This, of course, was soon to change.
- Revelation: The Story of Muhammad, by Meraj Mohiuddin and Sherman Jackson.
- Muhammad: His Life Based on the Earliest Sources. Martin Lings. Rochester, VT: Inner Traditions, 1983.