Adult life for a knight’s wife probably began in her middle to late teen years; her husband could be anywhere from 21 to 35, depending on how soon land and affluence had come to him. Upper class girls were sometimes married at younger ages, but it was less important to do this if their status was well below royalty.
Traditionally, the lady of a manor or castle oversaw the household’s domestic affairs. She was expected to inspect the bakery and brewery and consult with the cook. She kept the keys. In the early medieval period, she literally kept all of the household’s keys and gave all orders, often participating in work with her hands. Early medieval ladies were spinners, weavers, seamstresses, brewers and herbalists. Later, as household size grew and staff multiplied, the lady could be less connected to the real work.
In early castles, the lady was the only person who had private rooms. She slept with her husband in a bedroom just behind the Great Hall, and she generally had a sitting room called the solar just above it. But all of her meals were public; when later ladies began taking meals privately, some bemoaned the loss of manners and moral example set by the earlier ladies at head tables of halls.
She spent her day surrounded by a small group of ladies. Often it included some young teenage relatives who needed to grow up and have their manners polished, just as her husband trained teenage boys for knighthood. If she lived in a manor house, she was less likely to have a retinue, but she still had some young women to wait on her. The ladies read to each other while they sewed, or if they did not have much work to do, they played board games and took care of the household’s pet, probably a small dog.
The castle’s chapel probably had Mass every day, so the lady attended every day. She had a Book of Hours that gave the saints’ days to observe, and her household marked them all with fasts and feasts. She spent her spare time embroidering vestments and altar cloths. Setting an example of devout religion was a very high priority.
When she gave birth to a child, she spent at least a month in seclusion in her room. As her children grew, they were cared for mainly by nannies in a children’s dormitory, perhaps with a few orphan wards. She could have them with her some part of the day, in her solar, as she sat sewing. She taught her daughters to read, but saw less of her sons after a certain age, especially if they served as pages in another household. As with all medieval mothers, she may have watched baby after baby die in infancy.
A castle lady’s life tended to be secluded and dull. If she was not fond of her husband, the center of her existence was attending Mass and teaching girls to sew. When she grew old or was widowed, she often gladly resigned the property to her son and retired to a convent, where she could do the same things as ever, but at least had less responsibility.